Hey! It’s been a few weeks! We took a break to recover from hanging out with James Duval at our Nowhere screenings late last month—but we’re back in a big way!
We’ve got another unstreamable screening before the year’s over. This time, we’re watching Michael Patrick Jann’s beloved and deeply Minnesotan comedy Drop Dead Gorgeous at Northwest Film Forum from December 1st to 3rd. The beauty! The competition! The Midwesternness of it all! Read on for more about the film, and don’t forget to reserve your seat.
This week, we’re also talking about another Minnesota queen in Elaine May’s The Heartbreak Kid and why you can’t stream it. (Spoiler: pharmaceutical companies SUCK.)
Got a recommendation? Give us the scoop at unstreamablemovies@gmail.com.
United States, 1999, 97 min, Dir. Michael Patrick Jann
A cutthroat beauty pageant in the heart of Minnesota where the stakes are high and the competition is deadly. It’s like Miss Congeniality meets Final Destination—but with way more hairspray.
The criminally underrated Drop Dead Gorgeous is a mockumentary-style dark comedy that follows a group of wannabe high school beauty queens competing in the Sarah Rose Cosmetics Mount Rose American Teen Princess Pageant. When a series of mysterious accidents start to eliminate the contestants, the girls’ eternally upbeat Minnesotan attitudes get put to the test. Can they continue to force positivity after a person poisons the queens? Or when someone gets stuck inside a burning pyre?
Released in 1999 and brilliantly written by Lona Williams, a beauty pageant survivor herself (she was Minnesota’s Junior Miss in 1985), the film stars a who’s-who of famous actresses, including Kirsten Dunst, Brittany Murphy, Allison Janney, Denise Richards, Kirstie Alley, and Amy Adams, among others. Poorly received at its release, it’s grown a sizable cult following in the decades since, with top critics calling it their favorite movie. Now compared to dark comedy classics like Heathers or Election, Drop Dead Gorgeous has earned its place as one of the funniest movies of the ‘90s. CHASE BURNS
Find it in the Comedy section or rent it by mail.
USA, 1972, 106 min, Dir. Elaine May
Kelly Corcoran certainly feels like the sun in Elaine May's The Heartbreak Kid. She's hot, piercing, emits a strong gravitational pull, and her attention seems life-giving. When we first glimpse Kelly (Cybill Shepherd), it's during a blazing hot morning on Miami Beach after the hapless and newly wed Lenny (Charles Grodin) catches her eye. She stands over him as he lays in the sand, her blonde head eclipsing the sun as she teases, "You're lying in my spot."
It's this breathtaking entrance that makes me understand why the sporting goods salesman feels an overwhelming urge to ditch his bride, Lila (played by May's daughter Jeannie Berlin), for this Midwestern queen. The newly betrothed couple drove down from New York City to get to Miami Beach, which has been less than marital bliss. Having a short courtship, it's only on their honeymoon that Lenny realizes his messy, egg salad-loving, sunburnt wife may not be The One for him. So, as het-dude discourse goes, Lenny has to jump ship. And what better place to land than a young blonde with a disposition as hot as the sun?
Based on a Bruce Jay Friedman short story with a screenplay by Neil Simon, The Heartbreak Kid is a gleefully comedic look at male logical fallacies and white ridiculousness as Lenny tries to extricate himself out of a situation he put himself in. Try as he might, women cannot be returned or exchanged or substituted in for one another. The Heartbreak Kid’s rights are being held hostage by Bristol Myers Squibb, a pharmaceutical company that dabbled in the movie business in the early ‘70s. They quickly dissolved their entertainment arm so no one is quite sure who can sign off on streaming, let alone restoration or re-release. Well, figure it out, I say! JAS KEIMIG
Find it in the Directors section under May, Elaine. In store only.
Looking for more? Browse our big list of 350+ hard-to-find movies over on The Stranger.
*The fine print: Unstreamable means we couldn’t find it on Netflix, Hulu, Shudder, Disney+, or any of the other hundreds of streaming services available in the United States. We also couldn’t find it available for rent or purchase through platforms like Prime Video or iTunes. Yes, we know you can find many things online illegally, but we don’t consider user-generated videos, like unauthorized YouTube uploads, to be streamable.
