Every time we screen an unstreamable film for all of you, we’re always blown away at the support and love seeing your wonderful, cinema-loving faces in the dark Northwest Film Forum theater. Last weekend’s screening of Drop Dead Gorgeous was no different—thanks for coming!!!!—and we’re stoked to announce our next screening in the new year :) Until then, in this week’s column we’re chatting twincest and kappa peen!
Got a recommendation for Unstreamable? Give us the scoop at unstreamablemovies@gmail.com.
UK | France | Italy | United States, 2003, 115 min, Dir. Bernardo Bertolucci
Set against the backdrop of the student riots of 1968, a pair of cinema-obsessed French fraternal twins Théo (Louis Garrel!) and Isabelle (Eva Green!) bring a wide-eyed American exchange student Matthew (Michael Pitt!) into their orbit. Inviting him to live in their giant Parisian apartment while their parents are away, the trio create their own world together. They argue about Keaton and Chaplin, run through the Louvre a la Bande à part, and—checks notes—dare each other to jack off to Marlene Dietrich while the other two watch. The twins have a strange relationship, one that verges chaotically on being sexual (ok, it's often outright sexual). Matthew becomes a tool in an erotic and unstable game Théo and Isabelle play with one another, especially once he and Isabelle become lovers.
I saw the R-rated version of The Dreamers in ninth or tenth grade, but the NC-17 cut that I watched this week is waaaay more intense. And while the conversations Matthew, Isabelle, and Théo have about Maoism, cinema, and the universe are typical of what you'd expect of this Very European film, the performances — particularly by Green — are what to watch for. They all seem completely at ease with one another, making the surreal intimacy between the characters that much more believable (and weirdly hot) and the question of their sexuality and intention with one another harder to suss out. Like last week’s Bright Star, this was one of THEE Tumblr films in the early 2010s, with tons of photo sets and GIFs dedicated to capturing the beautiful mise-en-scène of the film as well as the pouty-ness of Pitt's lips. Thanks Bertolucci! This movie made me bi. JAS KEIMIG
Find it in the Directors section under Bertolucci, Bernardo or rent it by mail.
Japan | Germany, 2011, 87 min, Dir. Shinji Imaoka
Where to even begin with this one... I guess I have to explain what a kappa is. A kappa—the folklore, not the brand—is a kind of unique demon river-child that's existed in Japanese culture since around 720 when it was mentioned in a very old book on Japanese history. The basic gist of kappas, which are still very popular today (there are kappas in Animal Crossing!), is that they're green human-turtle-webby things who live in rivers and love cucumbers and sumo wrestling. If you encounter one, they'll likely remove a mythical organ from your anus.
In my opinion, the best way to dive into kappa lore is to watch Underwater Love. It's a pornographic musical about a questionably irresistible kappa who has a lot of sex with land-women. It's also a pink film, a Japanese genre that requires a bit of explaining (too much explaining for this short blurb), directed by Shinji Imaoka, one of the "Seven Lucky Gods of Pink," who are seven directors credited with reviving the genre in the 2000s. If I haven't piqued your interest, also know that freaking Christopher Doyle, the tall Australian behind Wong Kar-wai's films, does the cinematography on this thing. It's very memorable. Stereo Total does the music! CHASE BURNS
Find it the Sexploitation section under Pink Film (Japan Softcore) or rent it by mail.
Looking for more? Browse our big list of 350+ hard-to-find movies over on The Stranger.
*The fine print: Unstreamable means we couldn’t find it on Netflix, Hulu, Shudder, Disney+, or any of the other hundreds of streaming services available in the United States. We also couldn’t find it available for rent or purchase through platforms like Prime Video or iTunes. We don’t consider films on sites that interrupt with commercial breaks, like Tubi, to be streamable. Tubi is like Neu Cable. And yes, we know you can find many things online illegally, but we don’t consider user-generated videos, like unauthorized YouTube uploads, to be streamable.
