It’s Unstreamable! Where Jas Keimig and Chase Burns recommend movies and TV shows you can't watch on major streaming services in the United States. We post on Wednesdays unless we’re tired or busy 😊
Got a recommendation for Unstreamable? Give us the scoop at unstreamablemovies@gmail.com.
Italy, 1976, 75 min, Dir. Bruno Bozzetto
Back in 2019, Allegro Non Troppo was one of our very first Unstreamable picks. (The other three were Mississippi Masala, Doom Generation, and Lovers of the Arctic Circle.) I first learned about this movie when Scarecrow recommended it as a part of their stoner movie shelf, and I’ve been dreaming about it ever since. Alternating between live-action and animation, the film follows a fascistic conductor as he creates a knock-off, very Italian spoof of Disney’s Fantasia (1940). Unlike Fantasia, this is clearly for adults. The cruel conductor forces—hilariously—a gaggle of jailed grandmas to perform in his orchestra. A genius animator is basically chained to his drafting table. And then the animation: The first act has boob candles, boob trees, and a sad horny goat. The animation leaps into another dimension by its third and fourth acts. There are cats on acid who miss the past, Coca-Cola bottles that crash to Earth and start evolution—devils, snakes, and butts. I fell in love with this movie then fell asleep at 3 AM watching its bonus features. I'm sad it took me so long to learn about director/animator Bruno Bozzetto, but I’m so happy that Scarecrow has so much Bozzetto on its shelves. We’d love to screen this IRL! CHASE BURNS
Find it in the Animation Directors section under Bozzetto, Bruno. Or rent it by mail.
USA, 2005, 113 min, Dir. Darnell Martin
Zora Neale Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God is a novel that deeply marked my life when I read it as a teen. Told in Hurston’s rich prose, the story of Janie, a young Black woman living in early 20th-century Florida, and her journey of love and pain is singular and sublime. To this day I can’t look at bees buzzing around a blossoming tree without my mind drifting to Hurston’s description of Janie’s sexual awakening. Nature is so erotic.
Darnell Martin’s television film of the novel—executive produced by Oprah—struggles with the ecstatic nature of the source material, instead boiling down Hurston’s complex tale into one that orients itself mainly around romance. Adapted to the screen by playwright Suzan-Lori Parks, Halle Berry plays Janie with a sensual and youthful flair. Great attention is paid to how her late husband, Jody Starks (Logan Killicks), kisses his way up her back, once as an expression of love and then as control. Or the tongue-touching desire of Janie and her young, strapping lover, Teacake (Michael Ealy), before they escape for an ill-fated stay down in southern Florida. It’s a fun and horny (but almost soapy) adaptation of the book.
I think the film's concentration on the novel’s romantic beats isn't a fault, but rather it speaks to the complexity of Hurston’s story. Watch this movie, and then bury your nose in the original text—I think they'll pair well. JAS KEIMIG
Find it in the Literature section. Or rent it by mail.
Looking for more? Browse our big list of 350+ hard-to-find movies over on The Stranger.
*The fine print: Unstreamable means we couldn’t find it on Netflix, Hulu, Shudder, Disney+, or any of the other hundreds of streaming services available in the United States. We also couldn’t find it available for rent or purchase through platforms like Prime Video or iTunes. We don’t consider films on sites that interrupt with commercial breaks, like Tubi, to be streamable. Tubi is like Neu Cable. And yes, we know you can find many things online illegally, but we don’t consider user-generated videos, like unauthorized YouTube uploads, to be streamable.
