It’s Unstreamable! Where Jas Keimig and Chase Burns recommend movies and TV shows you can't watch on major streaming services in the United States. We post on Wednesdays unless we’re tired or busy 😊
Got a recommendation for Unstreamable? Give us the scoop at unstreamablemovies@gmail.com.
United Kingdom, 1982, 95 min, Dir. Alan Parker
Pink Floyd: The Wall dives headfirst into the self-destructive malaise of being an internationally clamored after rock star—the groupies, the booze and drugs, the godawful arena shows, the unresolved childhood grief, asshole managers, fascistic fanbases, the MEANING OF IT ALL. Centered around rock star Pink (Bob Geldof) and using the music of Pink Floyd, the rock opera follows its central character as he builds a symbolic wall around himself, reeling from his father's death and ill effects of fame. As all operas should be, the film is high drama and folds in trippy animation, war flashbacks, gory sequences, and giant sets to tell its tale. This is a Dad Movie to a tee.
Almost as dramatic as the content of the film is the production behind its release. It was originally conceived as a live concert film interspersed with Gerald Scarfe's surreal animations and lead singer Roger Waters starring as Pink. Slowly the idea morphed into Boomtown Rats' Geldof starring in the main role, with the live performance element done away with. Alan Parker went from producer to director of the film, frequently clashing with Waters and Scarfe in what Parker called "the most miserable time I ever had making a film." That misery is the stuff of cult film legend. And though you can find rips of the film on the internet, The Wall is currently officially unstreamable. JAS KEIMIG
Find it in the Musicals section under Rock Musicals or rent it by mail.
USA, 1972, 77 min, Dir. Wakefield Poole
Scarecrow's XXX section doesn’t get as much love as it deserves, so we’re going to try to dig into it more. We haven't written about it too much in the past, mostly because a lot of its films used to be available on Pornhub. But ever since Pornhub's great purge in 2020, vintage and more cinematic pornography is harder to find on there, which leads us to the Unstreamable Bijou by legendary director Wakefield Poole.
The premise here is straightforward: A woman loses her purse (in a hilarious, to me, opening that I won't spoil), and it ends up in the hands of a construction worker who, we’ll soon learn, has an enormous dick. Inside her purse is an invitation to BIJOU, a darkroom sexy club for men who like men. The construction worker with the big dick goes here. And he has sex. And that's it!
But Bijou’s magic isn’t in its plot or sex. It's in its direction, which can be astonishing. What Poole can do with a little tinsel and mirrors could make Wong Kar-Wai jealous. Released the same year as Deep Throat (1972), the film was well-received but overlooked for obvious reasons. Though, according to Poole's memoir, when Women's Wear Daily asked Yves Saint Laurent what his favorite thing he did during a visit to New York City was in 1972, he allegedly said, "Seeing Bijou.” CHASE BURNS
Find it in the Sexploitation section under Gay XXX. Adults only.
There’s a great clip of it on YouTube but it’s got full frontal nudity, so don’t watch it at work. Unless you work for The Stranger or something.
Looking for more? Browse our big list of 350+ hard-to-find movies over on The Stranger.
*The fine print: Unstreamable means we couldn’t find it on Netflix, Hulu, Shudder, Disney+, or any of the other hundreds of streaming services available in the United States. We also couldn’t find it available for rent or purchase through platforms like Prime Video or iTunes. We don’t consider films on sites that interrupt with commercial breaks, like Tubi, to be streamable. Tubi is like Neu Cable. And yes, we know you can find many things online illegally, but we don’t consider user-generated videos, like unauthorized YouTube uploads, to be streamable.
